Fond Farewell? To Lana-Nana

This morning I awoke to the sounds of rain drizzle, that always makes me sleep in. Matt had gotten up already. It was 7:15 AM and I could hear Nana in the kitchen washing up dishes from last night. A loud crash from as glass or plate woke up the baby and I thought, "oh well, there goes another". Lets just say that Nana isn't the most graceful. However, after my last post I may have been a bit harsh. My friend, Jamie, reminded me that getting married at thirteen, you don't get much training or many moral lessons.

So, it was 7:15 AM and I could hear Nana in the kitchen washing up dishes from last night. A loud crash from as glass or plate woke up the baby and I thought, “oh well, there goes another”. Lets just say that Nana isn’t the most graceful. However, after my last post I may have been a bit harsh. My friend, Jamie, reminded me that getting married at thirteen, you don’t get much training or many moral lessons.

Yesterday, we had presented her with a list of things that should be done daily, so she had some structure to her week. We felt that she needed structure, due to the fact of her leaving early with dirty pans shoved into the oven and other things to that effect. After a month we had a good idea of how we wanted things to go, so we made up a weekly schedule and told her that if she got things done she could leave early. I had done one day of the schedule on Saturday and finished up by 1pm. So, I thought the schedule wsa reasonable. We also told her to change it around as she saw fit and if she couldn’t finish up by 3pm, she could leave for the next day. That’s fair.

We were on good terms. But this morning Matthew went to get some underwear off the clothes line and noticed that all of our whites were PINK! Yes, Pink… okay, I got a little pissed at this point. I mean, I sucked it up when she dripped bleach all over my black nursing shirt and cool pants I got on Haight-Ashbury in S.F. What really pissed me off, is that she didn’t tell me right after this happened so that I could try to reverse it with bleach. Instead, she rewashed them, WITHOUT BLEACH! Again we had to find out by discovery. We all make mistakes, but owning up to those mistakes and trying to do better, is what makes a good employee, shit, a good person.

She started crying and said she was sorry for all she had done (stealing coins and pain meds, on top of the aforementioned). Now, keep in mind, this is the first apology I’ve heard from her, even after we confronted her about the coins and medicine. She spoke with Matthew while I filled the washing machine with bleach and water. I listened but didn’t understand anything. Matthew called to me and said that she wanted to leave and not come back. I felt bad for her. She is only 16, and I think back on all the shit I did in my adolescence and how cool people were with me… So, I walked inside to her and told Matthew to translate verbatim.
“it’s the choices we make that create the people we are. We all make mistakes, but its how you choose to deal with those mistakes that builds our character. You can’t always run away from uncomfortable situations. (emotional silence here) I would like you to stay, but be honest and upfront with me.” So she looked at me and smiled, I smiled too and she stayed. Then an hour later, she came to Matt and said she still wanted to leave. At that point, we paid her and she left…

As I hang up the load to dry, I can’t help but feel weird about it. I think I am feeling that old martyr feeling again. That same ol’ rut that kept me in a terrible relationship for so long-- (Scarlet O‘hara voice: “I can change him, I know I can”). I think I didn’t want to fire her because I thought I could make her a better person. Sometimes, you just can’t… Welp, at least I saved all the whites except for Matthew’s Eddie Bauer socks, they will have to remain a nice rendition of the 80s IZOD-pink.